Do you know couples who go out regularly, but still don’t have the best relationship?
I think we all do.
It’s an easy trap to fall into. Sometimes, people assume going out will fix all their problems.
Sometimes, it can actually make things worse.
Say you’re fighting a lot and resentment is built up on both sides. With good intentions, you put date night on the calendar. When Friday night rolls around and you both head out the door together, guess what?
Now, you just have an opportunity to fight one-on-one in a public place. On the way home, you’re both miserable and you think to yourself-this whole date night thing is a joke. It doesn’t work!
In a way, you’re right.
Date night doesn’t work under these conditions:
- You’re fighting constantly
- You haven’t gone on a date in ages and you’re mad about it
- You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling
If your marriage has been neglected or unresolved issues are constantly bubbling under the surface, date night is not going to solve things.
It’s also not going to be a one hit wonder.
Date night doesn’t have much of an affect on your relationship if you don’t do it regularly.
And if you are struggling, date night is not enough.
The healthiest and happiest of marriages take a beating at times. We all need support in this crazy world.
So, here’s what you can do.
Grab a paper and pen and write out the things that are eating away at you in your marriage.
Which ones are the most important?
See if you can arrange a time to have a heart-to-heart. Be intentional about making things better between the two of you.
Tip-Rather than saying “we need to talk”, try “Do you have a few minutes?”
Four crucial things to remember during your “talk”:
- Be nice
- Listen.Listen. Listen.
- Don’t accuse
- Make sure you have uninterrupted time
In some cases, you may need counseling. Ask people you trust if they know a good therapist. And remember-it’s the healthy marriages that get help when they need it. The unhealthy ones limp along and let problems build up year after year.
Get date night back on the calendar as soon as possible. Just make sure it’s supporting your marriage, not hurting it.
And one more thing to remember on your next date:
No fighting allowed!
